Laundry study fails to provide evidence of paranormal entities
SEATTLE, Wash., July 21, 2017 /TPRI/ — In a press conference today, representatives from The Procrastination Research Institute released disappointing preliminary results from what they hoped would be a ground-breaking, longitudinal study on laundry. According to the lead researcher, results have been negative in their attempt to demonstrate that clean laundry, if ignored long enough, can either fold itself or be folded by as-yet-unidentified, paranormal entities.
The lead researcher stated, “We began the study shortly after Thanksgiving because the subject family was too busy to be inhumanely distressed by the mounting laundry pile. They have continued to wash clothing and linens on an erratic, as-needed basis, but dirty items now constitute a pile nearly two feet high on the laundry room floor. The long-ignored stack of clothing and linens on the folding counter is becoming increasingly unstable. When the subject family needs to dress themselves, they root through the pile to find something suitable—a process that is inefficient and hazardous, and often results in them wearing mismatched socks.”
Researchers revealed that motion-activated cameras and EMF (electro-magnetic field) meters installed in the laundry area have not revealed any evidence of paranormal activity. These results do not necessarily disprove the hypothesis, favored by some subject-family members, that “house elves” are responsible for the supply of clean clothing and linens that they’ve been taking for granted their entire lives.
According to researchers, one of the subject adults became “highly and unexpectedly agitated” at the mention of this hypothesis. This subject stated emphatically that there are “no [expletive] house elves” and made the additional claim that she does “practically all” of the laundry herself despite repeated attempts to get her children to contribute at a higher level. She provided no evidence for any of these claims.
The subject-family teenagers disputed her assertions, stating that they help the friendly elves by occasionally “folding a t-shirt” or “putting a dirty sock in the hamper.” These teenagers also challenged the research methods, suggesting that house elves would almost certainly be savvy enough to evade the researchers’ detection devices.
PRI researchers may terminate or reconfigure the study, pending determination by OSHA (Occupational Safety and Health Administration) of the subject laundry room’s compliance with federal safety regulations.