Seattle dad embarrasses teens by dressing like a house elf
SEATTLE, Wash., September 2, 2017 /TPRI/—Greg Smith, a 53 year old part-time copyeditor who works from home while his wife works full-time as a software executive, has retaliated against his children treating him “like a house elf” by wearing a pink tea towel as a loin cloth for the last three weeks, rendering himself a hero to other vacation-weary parents and a villain to his children and their peers.
“It all started,” Smith said, “After a really long week. We were more than a month into summer vacation, I was on deadline, and I was just fried from the shifting schedules, chauffeuring requests, the parade of friends coming and going, leaving a mess, and the kids interrupting me constantly. One night I’d just started making dinner when my 12 year old announced that she wanted a ride to Bellevue. At rush hour. That’s when I snapped.”
His unusual protest started out as a joke, Smith said. “Normally I would have laughed and told her she was insane, but instead I heard myself say, ‘Fine, Sure. Fine. Bellevue? At 4:30? No problem. Just give me a minute to get ready.’ So I grabbed the tea towel, got some safety pins from the sewing kit, and, well, the rest is history.”
His daughter Kylie described the incident as follows: “He told me to wait for him in the car, so I went out and was texting on my phone when he got in. I looked up, and was like, ‘Dad? Dad?! Are you naked?’ And he was like, ’Of course not, sweetheart. I‘m wearing my work uniform.’ I looked over the front seat and I was like, ‘Dad! What the [expletive]?’ And before I could get out of the car he locked the doors, we started rolling, and he cranked up NPR to drown out my screams. I was still crying when we got to Amber’s house, and he went to talk to Amber’s mom anyway! I thought I was going to die! Amber’s mom, like, kinda freaked when she opened the door, but then they started talking and laughing their heads off. It was, like, literally the worst day of my life!”
When interviewed, Smith’s elder child, Molly, 15, said she is furious at her father and is avoiding him. “He’s ruining my life. And mom won’t tell him to stop!”
Mr. Smith and his antics have gone viral on social media, where he’s posted pictures of himself, in his tea towel, doing the laundry, cooking dinner (“I have to be careful with hot liquids”), and walking the dog. He has also offered advice to other parents considering the house-elf lifestyle: “You might want to save the vacuuming for when you’re alone or want to make your kids extra embarrassed, because bending over is a little compromising.”
Mr. Smith says he never planned to continue his house-elf protest for so long, but has persisted for a variety of reasons. “My kids have been staying in their rooms and not inviting friends over, so the house is cleaner and I’m getting a lot more work done. And I can’t believe how much time I’m saving by not shopping—the grocery stores won’t let me in. Also, I gotta say, the tea towel is pretty comfortable in this hot weather.”
Asked how long he will persist with his unusual protest, Mr. Smith said he’s waiting for his kids to remember what it takes to free a house elf. “If they want things back to normal, they can wash all of the laundry themselves and present me with some clean clothes to wear.” Smith paused, munching on some goldfish crackers he stole from his kids, and added thoughtfully, “I just hope they figure it out before the first frost.”